2004(ish)…
That was the year my feet hit the ground running. And except for a few setbacks over the years, they haven’t stopped.
Of course the time I dedicate to pounding the pavement has fluctuated depending on goals and life. But no matter how busy life got or where my goals were… fitting in a run was mandatory.
A runner will tell you this:
Running defines who we are. Maybe more so than others, but all of us equate “runner” as a piece of our soul.
Non-runners just don’t get this.
It can be hard to swallow for a non-runner who’s trying to fit into a runner’s world.
Fights About Running?
Yes, they happen.
In fact, the main reason why I don’t run EARLY mornings as often as I used to is because of my husband.
We work like most people during the week and on the weekends we enjoy spending time together.
I always tried to knock out my runs as early as possible (like 5am early) so that I wouldn’t interfere with “our time”.
Except that was exactly what I was doing.
I never asked his opinion on my training and did what I THOUGHT was best. Finally, one evening while heading home earlier than we really wanted (because I had an AM run scheduled)…
…He lost it.
(Clearly, this is not him losing it but us being silly out of town).
Running was running and ruining our schedule.
We couldn’t go out late because I had to wake up before the sun had a chance to peek over the horizon.
He hated that when he woke up on a Saturday, I wasn’t beside him. And I wasn’t making him a priority.
Ouch.
The sad part?
I knew he was right. And I tried to change, to balance better.
But that being said, it’s hard to fit into a runner’s world!
But not impossible.
Just like all things in this world between two people:
COMPROMISE and INTENTION are the key elements.
Yea, yea… there is a bit more to it.
10 Rules To Follow If Dating/Married To A Runner
1). Start running.
Ummm, duh.
The easiest way to get closer to a runner? To understand their selfish mentality?
(Yes, to non-runners runners seem selfish. I can say this because I’m a runner. Runner can talk smack about each other.)
Lace up a pair of running shoes and hit the pavement/trails. Just don’t do it with the runner in your life unless you are the same pace or if it’s a “test run”.
Your runner loves to run, not stop ever 5 minutes to look back and check on you. Running is a personal outlet that doesn’t always come with an invitation.
Of course if you HATE running, don’t force it.
But if the interest is there… go with it.
This is what happened with my husband, Dan.
He hated to run but after a watching me do a trail race decided he wanted to see what it was all about. Turns out he hates running on roads but loves running trails.
Dan and I turned MY hobby into OUR hobby. At first it was tough to see him excel and I felt like he was taking something away from me. But then I realized how any perks it brought to our life together.
Trail running gives up the opportunity to travel together, race together and yes, we train together.
Training together didn’t happen overnight.
We used to share training plans but do them apart. Now, that we’re both around the same in pace and performance, we enjoy sleeping in Saturdays and hitting the trails TOGETHER in the early afternoon.
2). Don’t Bitch About Races
Don’t like that your runner races so often?
This is one you’ll just have to get over.
Training runs can be compromised, but someone that gets buzzed off racing is going to race. Regardless of your complaints.
Don’t like it because it means they’re away from you so often?
Volunteer to be their support squad!
Crossing the finish line and seeing someone that cares about you is almost as great as crossing the finish line at all!
And the pride you’ll have when you see your runner?
It’s a pretty big turn on. Trust me.
3). Talk To Them About Training
Remember how I thought I was training in a way that wouldn’t upset my family?
Well, that’s you know what happens when you assume things.
Running takes up time and while your runner may think they’re doing the best for the dynamics of the relationship, maybe not. Talk about it.
Make a training calendar together so that you are both involved and open to compromise. Just don’t bitch about their training.
Start something like…
“I love how passionate you are about running, but can we work in a schedule together that works for both of us? I hate we never have a morning together to wake up.”
Or…
“I know that you normally plan your long runs for Saturday mornings but we have plans Friday night that will keep us out longer and I want us both to have a great time. Is there anyway you can do your long run on Friday or maybe Sunday morning instead?”
Or whatever the issue is.
4). Never Ask Them To NOT Run
Would someone tell you not to breath?
Running is more than just the act of running. To a runner, it’s a part of life and like breathing, we need it.
You cannot turn a tiger into a bear and you can’t turn a runner into a couch potato.
Don’t try, you’ll come out hurt as if a tiger had gotten ahold of you.
When I first started identifying myself as a runner, I had some back issues. Dan hated that I ran and would beg me, fight with me, to stop.
We finally compromised:
Should my back go out, or if I suffered an injury related to running, I would hang up my shoes.
Well, let’s just say I’ve had stress fractures, aches and pains, knee issues, but guess what? I’m still running.
And he knows he has no power to stop me.
Luckily, he gets it and instead of discouraging running, promotes safe training, recovery and often gives tips to make sure I’m stretching and rolling like I need to!
5). Ask Running Questions
Nothing gets a runner more buzzed than talking about their running.
If you are trying to solidify your spot in a runner’s world just ask running questions. Trust me, they’ll love you for it.
Here are 5 questions to get you started:
What shoes do you run in?
What’s your favorite music/podcast/book/etc to listen to while running?
What are your thoughts on running fuel?
The best race you’ve ever done?
What’s your favorite race distance?
And because runners love talking about themselves running…
La Sportiva’s, Girls Gone WOD, real food is best (I love pb&j thin sandwiches), Quest For The Crest, and Half Marathons.
Just in case you were wondering
Not into running? Don’t get that glazed over, “I don’t give a ‘you know what’” look in your eyes. If you ask the questions, look excited for the answers. Duh.
6). Offer Post Run Massages
If you really want to fit into a runner’s world… offer a post long run massage. They will be putty in your hands.
Better yet… offer them a post run massage AND a donut.
It’s the little things that make a huge difference and brings upon so much appreciation.
Not into giving a massage? Have a foam roller waiting and ready. We get it, touching someone after they have sweat through layers of clothes is not exactly sexy.
Toss the foam roller at them and walk away. Save yourself from the post run stench of dirty clothes and sweaty hair.
7). Buy Compression Gear
Remember how excited you were at Christmas as a little kid?
Experience that moment through your runner by gifting them compression!
Anything compression: compression socks, compression leggings, compression tops, compression sports bras.
Help, just give them a compression body suite.
Just typing all of that makes me want to go shopping! My favorite: Pro Compression for socks and Skins for leggings (shown above).
8). Don’t Ever Say Running Is Stupid, Boring, Or Pointless
I remember checking into a hotel and the desk lady asked,
“What brings you to town?”
I responded with,
“I’m here for a half marathon!”
Her response…
“Why? I just don’t get the benefit or the satisfaction someone gets from running like that.”
My first thought…
“I don’t have the time to explain it to you.”.
Second thought…
“Are we done here?”
Bottomline: Never EVER question the sanity of your runner.
She/he might want to do some things that are stupid to you (my husband is intrigued in a 60-hour trail race), but it’s not stupid to him/her.
Swallow your criticism and bitchy thoughts (yes, even if not bitchy to you, they are to runners), and smile. And then say, “go for it!”.
9). Bring Your Fitness Loves Together
Do you really wish that you could workout together? But you love weight lifting?
From time to time, merge the two together!
Do a boot camp or an obstacle race. Get creative. Set up a mile loop and every ¼ mile stop to do a circuit of something.
You can love different things but still do fitnessy things together.
You never know, something new might emerge from this! A new passion for trail running? Spartan races?
10). Most Important Rule: Appreciate Them
Running takes mental toughness, dedication and patience. There are bad days, good days and in between days.
Whether you run or not, support your runner and acknowledge their hard work and training.
And they’ll do the same for you and your passions.
Isn’t that what being a strong team is about?
→ Supporting each other’s passions and dreams no matter what? It should be.
Every time I have ever announced a time goal, my husband never once doubted me. He just said, “okay, go for it. Don’t let your mind get in the way.”
When I ran well… I always received a hug and a congratulations.
When I ran bad, I was always greeted with a hug and a “what happened? What can you do differently?”
As a significant other to a runner… you’re their coach whether you like it or not. Even if they have a coach, you’re on the team too.
Suck it up and do your duties.
Final Words
There will be times that you wish running wasn’t such a priority and you might want to break these rules.
That’s when you re-read them and swallow your pride.
You fell in love with a runner, welcome to the runner’s world.
Can you think of an 11th Rule?